i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
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