3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
