apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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