My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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