she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
