How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Randomize
