Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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