Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
