youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize