also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
