evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
