WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
