Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
