I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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