So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
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