so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
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