11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
