Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Randomize
