He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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