I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
