i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Randomize
