if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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