are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
