why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
