Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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