I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
