Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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