i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
and she was petting her beer can
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
