Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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