ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
There are leaves in my underwear?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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