Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
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