perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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