I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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