I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
