Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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