And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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