Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I think a kid would responsible me up
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
