never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Randomize
