Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
