so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
