I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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