smell my finger.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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