There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
