Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
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