i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
