Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
