I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
