I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
