He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
