whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I cannot find my penis.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
