Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
