Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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