My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
How does one acquire holy water?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
