All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
