One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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