I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Someone signed my nipple.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
